avia: Two hands, holding up to the camera, one has "magic" written on it and the other has "is real" and a heart. (magic is real)
Last night, I was thinking about a lot of connected things, and they brought me to this idea that magic - the witchcraft type of magic, that focuses on crossing boundaries and dealing with death and inbetween places - is queer, and also, to a new understanding of gender in magic.

Long post )
avia: Bird with the text "Fly away with me". (fly away with me)
I'm not comfortable calling this "totem" or "spirit animal" because, that is not my culture. But, I realise that because Sarusiel has Frigatebird as one of Her sacred animals, I probably should research what is thought to be magical associations of Frigatebird.

And... I didn't find anything. Or, not anything useful. Just some short things, really they say nothing to me at all.

So, I decide to read about Frigatebird, and try to understand the magic of this being on my own, as well as how the bird is related to Sarusiel.

These are my beginning notes.

tw: mention of suicidal behaviour and abusive behaviour )
avia: Text, blue letters on a tree trunk: "I have only a beast's heart". (only a beast's heart)
I am supposed to be sleeping, but a thought just came into my mind that I had to write down, like they often do before going to sleep...

One day, I want to get a motorcycle. It's cheaper than a car, you can feel the wind, you're not shut in a metal box, it's more eco friendly, and, you never get stuck in a traffic jam because it's legal to ride between the lanes (here it is, anyway).

So, I am planning this image in my mind, haha... I want this (the Princess Mononoke quote*, not the "Anti-christ" part) on a non-leather jacket**... and then I was thinking, what can I put on my helmet? Something animal... like horns... or...

Then, I thought about Lupa's spirit costumes, the way that she takes skins that are second-hand or would be thrown away, and makes them into spiritual dance costumes for animal spirit work. She says that often, the animals love to be able to dance again. I wonder, if there is a skin out there who would love the feeling of being able to go faster than an animal can run? A real thrill-chasing spirit who would find joy and freedom in being a head-dress for a helmet...

* Yes, I know it's misanthropic, but it is a quote that I feel a lot with, because of my love for San as a young age...
** I'm not vegan, but I like to avoid leather when I can. Of course this seems ironic to match a non-leather jacket with the animal skin, but I know that with Lupa's work, she is not causing extra cruelty by selling her work, but if I buy a leather jacket, it probably does add to that...
avia: Girl and boy couple, wearing headphones. The boy is looking at her but the girl is staring into the sky. (staring into world)
I finished The Wood Wife today. It's a very good book, and it does something that made me want to look up the author and read more books by her (I normally choose my books strongly by subject, it's rare that I choose by author because, subject matters so much to me)... it made me feel interested in a subject that I don't normally have interest in.

For me, "personal interests" are the centre of the universe. It is very hard to make me feel connected or moved or like I am doing anything important, with the subject is something I don't have interest in. It's part of being an autistic person, and, it's part of what can make socialising very difficult for me, as well as many things... if I am not doing something connected to my interests, I get bored, and bored feelings become pain, and that drains my energy very quickly. I'm not normally a person who just has fun "being social". It needs to be connected to something I am particularly interested in, or, I need to find a reason to feel interested. Sometimes, being with a person I like can be enough for that, but, it's a rare bond that creates it, and, that bond is also usually based on... interests!

So, to enjoy a book that is not on a personal interest subject, is definitely something that makes me feel I should read the author's other work.

Cut... some small spoilers, I try to keep it minimum )
avia: Poster for the Black Swan movie, top half is a white swan on a black background, bottom is a skeleton black swan on red. (black swan)
This society tries to keep us from making up stories about our lives. It says, "but things are not really like that. This, scientific evidence, shows the way things are, the only way things are." But stories, different ways to see things, they are what makes our world come alive. By conforming everything to one scientific viewpoint we are stripping it of culture, perspectives, and our own personal relationship to it. Everything becomes dead in our eyes.

They are taking the stories that make sense of our lives, and replacing them with their own.

So, if that knot in the tree is shaped like a face to you, and it means something in your personal mythology, don’t let anyone tell you that is less “real” than the hard, scientific facts. They are killing your myths and replacing them with their vision. Holding on to our own secret myths is a powerful weapon against that, and, healing for the soul.


Note: when I say "culture and perspective", I mean that science as we experience it as non-scientists, is very filtered through particular cultural ideas that might not match what matters to us. People say that science is just facts, but, the way that science is shown to us, in magazines, TV, articles, etc. is not just facts, it comes from a particular perspective about what is normal and what is acceptable, and, the idea that scientific way of looking at the world is more "real" or "right" than others, erases different perspectives about what is acceptable and ignores cultural difference.

When I say "personal relationship", I mean a similar thing. What you experience about the universe does not matter, because what they experience about the universe is "right". Inside experience is turned into a "nice little fantasy" compared to the solid knowledge of science. The idea that scientific view is the only "real" view is patronising to our personal ways of experiencing the world, and, our idea that they have value.
avia: A girl sitting and holding her knees, in an abandoned house grown over with green things. (green house)
I was thinking recently, because I'm reading The Wood Wife, about place, and stories, and magic/wonder.

The Wood Wife is a very... place-focused book. A lot of books are, Daughter of the Forest was too, the one I read just before it. Daughter of the Forest is a story that would not work without Ireland, and without Britain (before the first place was part of the second), and the cultural roots and atmosphere of those places. The Wood Wife is also a story that would not work without place, because it is all about the magic of the Arizona desert, how the desert hides wild and strange things and how it can transform a person.

Because of this, I find the book interesting, but, in a detached way... it makes me curious to learn about the magic of the desert, and difficult to feel close to the book, also. Those things come from the same place... I don't understand desert magic. It is not my natural place, it is not my way, it is not my home.

I realise that place makes a big difference for me, if I want to feel and experience the magic in a story. It's influence for me, even before I read a book, what kind of place I think that book is about. In fact, I was excited to read The Wood Wife because the title makes me think, it will be about woods, which exist usually in cold places, with a lot of rain. That's where I find spiritual comfort. I love stories that are about forests, or green hills, or mountains and cold, icy lands. I have never been to Ireland or Scotland, but I do enjoy stories that have an Irish or Scottish theme because, simply, I like trees and water and storms and rain. I need them, to be spiritual in my full detail.

I am a water bird and, in Hermetic tradition water is associated with darkness and shadow, and, I am also a shadow creature. I can't have the light on me all the time. I need shade and I need rain, and, I feel most magical with those things around me. I also wonder a little, if there is a truth to the idea of "roots" in a blood sense... I don't normally think about it, but, I wonder, this blood was made for a Japanese climate and spirituality and, I wonder if it really does make a difference. If there is a truth to the idea that your spirituality, or spiritual pull/strength, can be passed down in blood, in a way.

I live in the desert, so, I hope that The Wood Wife will teach me about how to appreciate the magic here. But I feel like the forests will always be spiritual home for me.

Blackbird

Sep. 23rd, 2011 09:14 pm
avia: A smiling girl lifting up a skull mask to show her face. (happy skull girl)
I'm not sure what it is I like so much about this story, but, I like it, so, I'm reblogging it here. I think, I just feel that this song is very creepy, in a wonderful way.



Read more... )

Put stickers on bird cages at Petsmart today and put protest letters in the mailbox... for some reason, things like this take so long for me. It's not an action of a few minutes to be activist, for some people. It takes hours. And, this was only a tiny thing. But, for this, it felt worth my energy.

I wanted to do something for the autumn equinox today too, but... could not think what. Maybe it's a good day to begin using my death rosary finally. I could do that.
avia: A girl looking up at a dark sky and snow fall with hand holding out to catch snow. (snow falls)
I have to admit it... as an autistic person, I usually don't feel emotional about the deaths of people the same way most people do, even if they are the result of cruelty. I can often get more heart-feeling upset about deaths of fictional characters, or celebrities just because they are people I like, than about a crisis of rights, even though I have a worship of death, and I believe that the real reason any death would be wrong, is if it happens because of injustice situation.

It's just the way I am. I can't change it, I'm not sure I want to, because, it's not bad or good, it's just me. It doesn't mean I don't care, because, in my mind I think these events are sad and I do what I can to help people who are suffering. I do care. I just don't feel it in my heart. I have been told, that that is not caring. But, it is the way I work.

But, something in my heart does feel a heavy weight for Troy Davis, who was lynched tonight by the state of Georgia. That's all you can call it, when the evidence for him didn't actually exist and the witnesses were bullied into saying he did it. It's a murder because he is black. That's all.

(And, here's a random truth if you don't believe that: Courts in GA sought the death penalty for 70% of black defendants with white victims but for only 15% of white defendants with black victim. From aclu.org.)

I think, I feel it because I was watching it actually happen on Tumblr... not on a video, but, watching it through the comments of people who were updating constantly about how the case was going. So, I knew the moment it happened, or, close to it. And, I also read this lovely, lovely message from him to his supporters today. And it made me really just feel, for a moment, like I could feel his soul setting free from his body, and I did what I do as a psychopomp, and I connected with that energy and tried to send energy to help to guide his soul safely to a place of beauty and joy.

And then, I was listening to this EP (which is beautiful, and, has a lovely name), and it started the song "Lark", and, though I would not have thought of it before, the words stuck in my head as a bird-prayer for those who are transitioning from one world to the next.

on the wings of the storm
you will be carried forth
to the nest you will return
body, breath and life secure


So, this is a death song in my head now. And, my prayer as a bird soul, for Troy Davis and for all who have died, are dying, will die, as victims of what America still calls "justice", even though that is a thin veil over a corruption so obvious that anyone can see through it.
avia: A dark haired girl sitting without concern in a winter scene, with a large heart next to her feet, surrounded by crows. (eat my heart out)
A lot to write about, a lot to share. I had a very powerful and eventful trip with [personal profile] niya. She was kind enough to take me to San Francisco, so I could see the swans that I have a spiritual longing to be close to.

These are the stories that happened on that trip. Or, some of them. I'm sure I forget some, and, others are stories inside stories, that I will tell on my Tumblr under the writing tag. But this, this is the main story as I remember it.



Swans, faerie forests, deer spirits, and amazing food, plus many many photos )

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little swan child

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